The Day The Police Came to Take My Kids Away

I wish I could say this title is a euphemism or allegorical in some way, but it's not. Two days ago, two police officers stopped by. My 2-year-old ran off earlier in the day and by the time I realized he was not in the front yard, not in the back yard and not in the tree house (we have 3 acres), he was up on the big road chasing our puppy. A passerby called the police because some awful mother had let her 2-year-old and puppy run on the highway! That mom is me. I am that mom.

(My only defense is that I did find him before the police did, and we were home, snuggling and getting ready to bake that cake together when the police came-a-knocking.)

Now before you judge me, my 2-year-old is fiercely independent, determined, and "spirited;" also known as crazy and difficult. He runs me ragged. He is constantly running off in stores or at church or wherever we go. When I put him in bed, he climbs out and oh so quietly begins to disassemble the house. His crib - the back rail is no longer attached. He shook it apart. In the middle of the night when I am up feeding the baby, I see the hallway light on and know something terrible may be happening out there, but I just can't. Naps? Forget it. Commands met with screams instead of obedience. This kid pushes my every button to the point that the buttons barely work anymore. I need new buttons.

Did I mention that I have six kids? The two oldest are my step kids and they're at our house every other week. The last 7 years have been a challenge with them, but they're finally teenagers and have learned how to fake it, at least. The oldest boy, he has autism and some learning delays. The girl has struggled with pathological lying for as long as I have known her. My daughter is sweet and imaginative, but not super helpful and she also has several health problems that are mentally and emotionally demanding. Then there's the three boys my husband and I had together. They're cute, and it's a good thing, if you know what I mean.

Caleb is 5 and finally growing out of his terrible 2's. He has been in Occupational Therapy for the last 10 months and that has made ALL the difference in the world. I am so thankful for the person who recommended that to me in the first place! Then there is my defiant up and coming terrible 2-year old, Micah. And last but not least, my 11 month old, Judah, who I fear is taking notes. They keep me busy, and then on a day when I think I can bake a cake while my baby is napping, the 2-year-old hits the road. Literally.

So after crying, and praying, and crying, and googling "worst mother ever" stories on the Internet, and going out for drinks with a girl friend who happened to call me at just the right time, I began to get a little nervous. Even if I am not the worst mother ever, this was a HUGE blight on my mothering record.

Another friend suggested I read up on what to do if the "child protectors" pop by for an unannounced visit. She suggested I have my attorney on speed dial! What??? Who has an attorney?! Well, I guess I am supposed to as a homeschool mom. So, research, I did. After looking into a few different agencies I chose one I felt fit us. And $19/month later, I am represented. Then, I started fantasizing about a GPS to clip to my kids shoes... and as a side note, if you know my kids you know why I want it on their shoes - because I might also be able to to find some shoes for once! And then I searched for that on Amazon! And you know what? They have that! Of course. Because when all is said and done, a lot of moms have had their 2-year-olds take off into the woods, or out the window, or into the road. I am not the first, nor will I be the last. And while it's a true blemish on my truly embarrassing mothering record, we all have them.

So don't judge me! Your day may come too.

Too busy for cool?

If you’ve ever thought you weren’t very cool, like me, it’s an interesting exercise to begin to ask people what you should do to be cooler. Tonight, I dared to ask my 10-year-old daughter, for whom the very nature of this question put my cool status at greater risk.

Nonetheless, her answers were quite different than I expected. She didn’t tell me I should ride a motorcycle, or dress better, or ease up on the rules. Nope. Here is her list of the things I could do to become “cooler.”

1.     Take us fun places

2.     Do crafts with us

3.     Snuggle in bed with us

4.     Jump on the Trampoline

5.     Snuggle with us while watching movies

6.     Read us more books

7.     Play board games with us

8.     Teach us how to cook

Now, granted it’s not that I don’t do these things, but the common thread here is that Mom is busy. Too busy.

Being busy makes me uncool. Yes. Boring. Too much work. Too many dishes, bills to pay, toys to clean up, too much distraction. So here, in my effort to turn this un-cool mom thing around, I’m going to have to do this. It’s just the right thing to do anyway. Tomorrow, I become cool... at least to my 10-year-old daughter.

I'm bringing cool back... well, maybe.

I saw this great video the other day. It was a woman singing and dancing to a remake of a tune from the movie Frozen, only new words. It was well done, well sung, well written, well danced. And it occurred to me. I am so not cool. She was cool - interesting even. Me, not so much.

So, I mentioned it to my husband and he has confirmed my fear. I am not cool. I am in fact boring. He said it in love. He was not criticizing or being mean. I’m just boring. I come by it naturally.

And so, I have some soul searching to do. Do I continue on the remainder of my days this way? Boring? Or do I figure out what I need to do to bring cool back, the way Justin Timberlake brought sexy back…. Ok not really.

I just need to consider what it will take for me to be less boring and decide whether I am willing to do it.

To be continued.